Of Ninjas, Catapults, and Broad Swords

Hello friends, how about some morons to start your day.

1. Okay, so you're at the bank when you notice that there is a ninja standing in front of you. Yes, I said a ninja. You know black clothes, katanas, and such. Well this is exactally what happened a few days ago at a bank just like yours. To make matters worse, after trying to rob the bank the "ninja" removed his mask to ask someone on a phone if he was calling the police on him. That man indeed had called the police, but the ninja has still not been caught.
2. A man by the name of Weston Webb has an extremely odd security system, to protect his home he launches chicken manure at tresspassers, with a flipping catapult!To make matters worse, he once used it to launch his wife, Mary, across a river!
3. Lastly a man tried to hold off a group of cops with a battle axe, knife and broad sword! To say the least, he failed.